Isa Mazzei, a cam girl turned rising Hollywood star, wants the world to know that sex work saved her life.
Mazzei was raised in suburban Colorado by prosperous parents whose high-flying lifestyle masked serious mental health and alcoholism issues. “My parents didn’t have much in common”, she jokes darkly in her new memories which turn the pages. camgirl, “but trying to kill ourselves was really the glue that held our family together.”
By the time she reached her teens, Mazzei was facing similar issues. She tried to kill herself in her bedroom, but her father barged in and found out that she had swallowed the wrong kind of sleeping pills.
“I have been in dark places at many times in my life,” she told The Daily Beast. “I was in a very, very dark place before I found camer. “
After being sexually abused as a child, Mazzei said she became a cam girl that allowed her to rebuild a sense of control over her body and broke the spell of self-harm and suicidal thoughts that threatened to destroy her. .
Mazzei is now a screenwriter with a series of projects to his credit. His award-winning first horror film, CAM, which she wrote, was released last year on Netflix, and she recently wrote and produced an episode of Sam Raimi 50 states of dread, starring Christina Ricci, which will air next year.
Just three years ago, Mazzei spent virtually every night entertaining hundreds of strangers online with naughty sex shows that earned him thousands of dollars a month.
“I don’t know where I would be without the camera, but I definitely credit him with saving my life, and I don’t say that lightly,” she said. “I really don’t think I would be far from where I am now without a camera in terms of being a stable, functional person and I don’t even know if I would be alive, to be honest.
“I really needed to face my trauma. I needed to face my control issues. And I needed help. And sex work was a place for me to feel safe enough to be able to take these steps. “
Mazzei’s book, which was released this week, tells the incredible story of a super intelligent UC Berkeley comparative literature graduate who changed her life by venturing into the world of online sex work.
Back when Mazzei was a teenager, the family was relatively wealthy, with her father traveling all over the world as a director of photography on commercials and videos for Pink and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Her mother built up a list of famous clients as a high-end makeup artist.
Mazzei writes that her mother also suffered from alcoholism and her father suffered from bipolar disorder and disappeared in the basement to stay in bed for days.
When she first started having romantic relationships with boys – and sometimes girls – Mazzei discovered that she liked to seduce people and make them fall in love with her, but she came to dread sex. Acts of seduction became more and more extreme, including flirting with people in front of her current boyfriend or undressing at teenage parties, but when it came to sex she felt disgust.
A turning point came when she accompanied a friend to a strip club for the first time and left jealous of the women on stage.
“Sex work was something I wanted to try because I envied people who were comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality,” she told The Daily Beast. “I looked at women who wanted sex and weren’t ashamed of themselves and I thought, how do you feel that way?”
Mazzei decided to create a cam girl account and after a few tough first sessions she was on the verge of becoming a success in sex work. By the end of the first month, she had earned $ 15,877.10.
During those nights online, a flood of requests came in from both strangers and regulars, many of whom would only tip if she did as asked. Mazzei would pick and choose which challenges to take on, and his regular fans blamed intruders for being rude or making inappropriate requests.
“What the camera gave me directly is this ability to be able to set boundaries around my body and my sexuality,” she said. “Camming was about reframing my sexuality and my sexual expression as something over which I had control because at the end of the day, I had control. If I wanted to ban a user, I could ban a user. didn’t want to do something, I was just saying, “No.”
In her quest to continue to climb the charts and stay engaged, her webcam performances have become increasingly extreme, including regular BDSM sessions.
Mazzei played with the oversized rings on her fingers as she explained, “Being a submissive can actually be incredibly transformative and healing, if you have a history of trauma and a history of being forced to give up your power and then you are in a position where you all of a sudden consent to relinquish your power, it is reframe helplessness as a situation where you are in control.
It was only after months of filming that Mazzei felt ready to admit to her therapist that she had been sexually abused as a child. It was a watershed moment and she began to undergo trauma therapy. She is now much more confident, happy and comfortable being intimate with her partners.
“I wouldn’t say it’s happy forever,” she said. “I’m not there yet, but a lot of things in me have fundamentally changed and transformed. “