What men really want – the women they are most honest with: sex workers, mistresses, girlfriends

What are men really looking for when they hire an escort, interact with a cam girl, or see a sex worker? Why do men take mistresses?

Uh! Everyone knows the answer to this. It’s for sex, isn’t it?

Obviously, sex is a strong motivation for all of these relationships.

But it’s not just sex – and sometimes not sex at all – that motivates men to seek out “other” women.

If it’s just the sex that’s missing, men turn to porn. It’s when something else is missing – this is important to them – that they come out to meet their needs.

Tracey Cox reveals reasons why men seek out ‘other’ women, including sex workers and mistresses, as it is revealed that they turn to porn if only sex is missing ( file image)

I interviewed women in the sex industry and women with adventures, as well as dozens of men, to find out what those reasons are.

It offers a glimpse (albeit uncomfortable) into the hidden needs and desires of men.

Here’s what men really want – from the mouths of the women they’re most honest with.

Excitement and novelty

OK, so this one is obvious: Men pay women for their services or take a mistress because they are sexually bored with their partner.

“My wife and I have sex once a month and she’s not willing to try anything new. If I got the amount of sex I want and adventurous sex, I wouldn’t look elsewhere.

It was not just a recurring theme – many men see it as a fair justification.

They were also unanimous in saying that keeping a mistress is “much worse” than dating sex workers.

“I would never have an affair. I’m not looking for love, I’m looking for sex, ”said one man. “Visiting a sex worker is different. It is a business arrangement that does not threaten my marriage.

Almost all of the men I interviewed did not consider interacting with a cam girl to be an act of infidelity.

“It’s a way to have sex with another woman without cheating on my wife,” as one man put it. “It’s harmless pleasure.”

Adoration of heroes

Tracey (pictured) says men can ask for sex with someone else because they're afraid to ask their partner to explore a 'problem'

Tracey (pictured) says men can ask for sex with someone else because they’re afraid to ask their partner to explore a ‘problem’

Mistresses idolize – they see the reflection in the pond. A woman sees the real him – under a microscope.

Few women idealize their husbands, but most men like to be worshiped by heroes.

There is nothing like an affair to give you an ego boost and make you feel better about yourself. Business is all about focus: you become the only two people in the world. Reality recedes and it’s as flattering as hell.

“I love who I am when I’m with her,” one man said of his mistress.

“She makes me feel important. She admires me. When I look at my wife, I see disappointment in her eyes. I don’t think I’m half the person she thought I would be.

Being able to explore a loophole without being judged

Another common reason men seek sex outside of their primary relationship is to engage in a “problem” or activity that they are afraid to ask their partner for.

“I have had mistresses for seven years. During these meetings, I can engage in activities that could outright the people in my “vanilla” life, one man confessed. “I can suggest activities that I would never do at home with my wife. It’s a huge adrenaline rush to be able to push my limits.

Almost all of the BDSM cam girls, escorts, and sex workers have said that a large portion of their clients think their wives and girlfriends would be horrified if they suggested doing what they did with them.

“They don’t feel like they can be their real sexual selves,” said one BDSM mistress.

To enjoy the fun and sexy things their partner no longer does for them

“It’s the affectionate texts, the breast / cleavage flash photos that we send,” one sex worker told me. “Every text or call they get from their partner is to moan, ask them to pick up some milk, ask where something is.”

They want to feel like someone is making an effort especially for them, said another.

“They like nice underwear, shaved legs, groomed hair. Men see these things as things made for them. It makes them feel special.

A boost of confidence

Some single men go to sex workers or interact with cam girls to “practice”.

“I feel like some guys are testing things on us. They will ask, ‘Do you think all girls like this? Do I look good when I speak dirty? », A cam girl told me.

Tracey says single men visit sex workers when they need a boost of confidence, as being constantly rejected in the real world can take its toll (file image)

It’s tough out there in the real world and being constantly rejected takes its toll.

“I see single boys who are a bit socially awkward and not very good at dating, not sure about their appearance,” revealed a sex worker. “They want the attention of girls they find attractive. They can interact with us in a safe way: there is no chance of rejection or worry about having to appear intelligent or being good at conversation. “

Honest advice – without judgment

This is where a close (usually) non-sexual friendship with a friend comes in.

Men will almost always be more honest about their relationships with another woman than with another man.

“Of course, I’m not going to tell my best friend that I’m afraid my girlfriend doesn’t really like me,” a friend of mine told me. “He would just be embarrassed – and unnecessary. If I need any advice, I’ll go see a woman.

Men are also more comfortable asking for sexual advice about what women want and like from another woman. “I don’t want to look like I don’t know what I’m doing in front of my mates – they would never let me live downstairs,” one man confessed.

If the friend is an ex, even better, as she can offer an honest review of her sexual skills.

Affection and connection

“When I was working as an escort I had a lot of men who wanted to chat and a lot just wanted hugs. I had a man who paid regularly just to give a hug, ”a former escort told me.

She said a lot of men want more interaction and connection than sex.

“I also met a lot of men whose wives were very sick and couldn’t have sex. It wasn’t the lack of sex that drove them to visit me, they felt overwhelmed with grief even when their partners were still alive. I have provided them with a safe place to express this.

Many men are only close to one woman – their partner. If anything happens to take away his support, they are lost.

“Especially for older men seeing a sex worker is easier than trying to befriend a woman other than their partner. They really would have no idea how to make a friend. Most do not have male friends either.


Loneliness was frequently mentioned.

“I was a sex girl on the phone in the early 2000s,” one woman told me. “One of the most memorable conversations was a six hour conversation about nothing. This guy’s mother had just died, clearly he just wanted to hear someone’s voice. I was incredibly surprised at the number of calls regarding loneliness and the fact that men had no one else to talk to.

The sex calls were over within a minute, she said. “Most of the other calls were from men at work, ‘tradies’ during their lunch break. They would ask their favorite girls and normally ask themselves, “What are you doing today honey?” type conversations.

She says she worries that there aren’t enough outlets for men now where they can hear a real voice, and not just interact online.

A good deal’

“Sugar Babies” are young women who meet older, generally financially prosperous men (“Sugar Dads”) and offer them the “Girlfriend Experience”.

It’s seen as a way for attractive young girls to make money – and for wealthy men, who can also be old and unattractive, to date young women.

But a few sugar daddies who contacted me on social media told me it was much more than that. “Most girls use the money to fund a dream. You can help them achieve that, ”said a 54-year-old man.

“You are giving him a better lifestyle. One that she could never enjoy without help. In return, I get a girlfriend who treats me well. Who doesn’t take me for granted, makes an effort and feels like I’m definitely stuck in the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship. What man doesn’t want that?

Feeling wanted and wanted

Of all the things that men desire the most, this is the strongest and the clearest.

“Yes, some men come to me for something sexual that they are afraid to ask at home,” said a sex worker. “But more are coming for personal attention that they don’t get at home.”

“They want your full attention, they want to feel sexy and above all they want to feel wanted,” said one escort.

“The men I’ve seen over the years have almost always wanted to kiss and cuddle as part of the service. They want privacy, they want eye contact, they want to feel wanted, ”another young sex worker told me.

Men feel when their wives are just supporting them, another escort confides. “They know the difference between someone who really cares about them and someone who supports them.”

Many cam girls agreed that sexual interaction is also about attention. “The men I play for want to be the only center of my attention. Few women are fully present when they have sex. Their mind is not at work – and it knows it.

Visit lovehoney.co.uk to find Tracey’s two product lines, supersex and Edge. You can find Tracey’s blog and more sex and relationship tips at traceycox.com.

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